im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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