don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The feeling are messing with the penis
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
