Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Two words: nipple clamps
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