too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
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i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize