Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
