how can u be prego again
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
