You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I enjoy the company of your penis
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
