I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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