Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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