The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize