Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
