I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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