come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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