No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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