If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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