Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize