can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
