porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
