Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
