Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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