i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
