I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
