Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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