the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
