fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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