I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
