Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize