I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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