So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
