I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
