Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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