i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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