I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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