ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
