ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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