so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
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If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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