Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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