i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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