If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
