"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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