He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
