Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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