ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
