How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
