it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
