I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
