I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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