A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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