Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
