Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I will be naked everywhere
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
