i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
