Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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