Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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