Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
