chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
