You just made me feel so damn special
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
