Is it because I queefed?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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