actually, I'm a sock model
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
