sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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