my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
