I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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